The Evemen Letters | V
Dear Faithful Reader,
I hope this letter isn’t too soggy by the time it arrived, for I handed to the collecman, who then handed to the postman, who, of course, gave it to the delivman, and, as you know, he strictly delivers by night, meaning everyone gets their post delivered at the most bizarre times, which I’m sure this letter is arriving to you in.
It is not uncommon for his prime time to be in the hours of 2 or 3am, yet nobody minds because he is such genial individual. Rather, I think, he is much like a cat (in the best possible way, of course), for he really does enjoy a glass of milk. But, if you were to offer him a glass, which I expect you would, it must be warmed - though, personally, I am impartial, warm or cold, but for the delivman it is vital one mustn’t forget he prefers his milk warm, with a dash of cinnamon if you have it to hand!
You see, the reason why the paper is so crumpled, blotched and well….utterly unkept, is…because of the weather.
I can see you signing, and I can hear you shaking your head but truly, truly I say, the blame is entirely on the clouds! It rained, it poured and I’m sure I heard the old man snoring. The clouds cried so incessantly that we had to open up the walled slides and the latern, which I know is shocking but drastic times called for even more drastically dramatic measures.
“My goodness, gracious me, Mr. Archet, can you believe all this rain came from the Astronauts washing up!”
“His washing up?”
“Why, yes, of course. Every time he washes up, it starts to rain. There is no other explanation for it.”
Mr. Archet looked very daddered.
“Mr. Evemen, are sure you that’s where rain comes from?”
“Thoroughly sure! Where else would it come from? We’ll have to make a trip up there, in order that I might show you.”
By this point, Mr. Archet, satisfied with my answer, returned back to his puzzle. I believe he’s doing, hang on, I’ll have look now….yes, The World of Hercule Poirot - 1000 pieces!
Anyway, the inclement weather meant so much of our routine had to change! We had to adorn our wellies, and put on two raincoats, and an extra rainhat inside the house. Not that it was wet inside the the house, but whenever we opened the door, the rain came in so ferociously that we ending up getting soaked each time. So, Mr. Archet and I decided we might as well wear our rain attire inside, all the time, for the reminder of the week.
It was only today that I have just taken off my second raincoat.
Though, we did get particularly daddered looks every time we opened the door, but rest assured, the most important thing is we remained dry!
Though it was just Last Thursday, in the midst of the rising floods, where even more drastic measures had to be installed.
I had intended to talk with Mr.Verdsmith that day, and do my grocery shop. After having a quick dewbit, and grabbing my bags (for I didn’t need to get dressed because I had slept in my rain attire, boats and all) that I looked out the window.
To my horror, the roads had turned into rivers and the pavements into pools! I nearly lost my tether, dear reader, but rest assured I am extremely well-prepared gentlemen, if there ever was one.
Resorting to going down all my the stairs, all 147 steps, into the library, down into the archives room, through my study, then I had to pass through the kitchen, then the larder, finally the tea room and ultimately was able to make my way to the garage, only after passing through the boat room, no no, the boot room. Boats aren’t that small. This is where I keep a laser pico, just for emergencies, such as this!
Finally, the boat was on the road, and I was able to oar away to my hearts content, to the green grocers, that is.
That night, after several hours of oaring, I was extremely exhausted and my arms ever so sore. In fact, I am still recovering today, as write, right this very moment. Fortunately, the flooding has gone down slightly and I can finally see the pavements again.
Though tonight, I must say with great pleasure, I am settled comfortably at my desk, with a steaming cup of tea to my right, a fire to my left and Kipling (a most tender canine) by my feet. It is still raining slightly, so I truly hope you are taking the utter most advantage of this weather but indulging extravagantly in a good book, and resting especially well during this winter season. Spring is assuredly on Her way; the gorse is blooming slowly, Hazel Catkins are lining the tips of trees, and the birds have changed their songs.
Until next time,
Your Faithful, and Slightly Sore, Writer,
Mr. Evemen
